Well, that's the story, as long and drawn out as it was. Congratulations on being able to get through the whole thing. But maybe you're wondering how my religious perspective finally resolved itself. I sat for a session with a counselor to help come to a conclusion with myself, and he aptly boiled the question down, "Do you have any problem with Judaism outside of the homosexuality issue?" I knew immediately that the answer was "no", and so he told me that it would be foolish to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I suddenly realized that only an ossified, fundamentalist mentality should convince me that I had to forsake everything if I couldn't accept one part. This satisfied me emotionally, but I still felt an intellectual conflict, so I went out and did my homework. I read some very good books about the implications of homosexuality in Jewish law, mainly the one by Rabbi Steven Greenberg and the one by Rabbi Chaim Rapoport. I found that Rabbi Greenberg's views on the matter resonated best with my way of thinking, and though he presented many possible ways of reconciling Orthodox belief with a gay life, the halachic interpretation that makes the most sense to me is to simply view the biblical prohibition against anal sex between men as a chok, an inexplicable divine fiat. In contrast, the subsequent rabbinical injunctions set in place to bolster the biblical prohibition should be declared inapplicable to individuals with a homosexual orientation on the grounds that it is unjust to impose a lifetime of miserable loneliness upon a guiltless party. I'm not so foolish to think that this sort of opinion will be embraced by the Orthodox Rabbinate any time soon. But I'll be patient, and work from the bottom up to help improve the lot of my gay sisters and brothers.